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Dream Believe Create is an online magazine for women entrepreneurs, creatives and change-makers. It’s for women who want to start sustainable, mission-driven businesses or creative practices without sacrificing their principles and avoiding the profit-at-any-cost / business-as-usual model that we’re all so tired of.

Should Self-ishness be Your New Default Setting?

Should Self-ishness be Your New Default Setting?

By Vicki O’Connor

{3 minute read}

Selfish. It used to be such a bad word:

How dare you put your needs, wants and desires above your duties as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, worker? How dare you think you can value yourself as a unique, individual, autonomous person? How dare you fill your self up with your bliss and be derelict in your duties to the home? Or any other thing WE can think of that you MUST do before YOU can even think about doing what you want to do? Anyway, yours are just frivolous, meaningless activities that don't amount to anything useful to anyone else. What are you thinking?

Sound familiar? Whether coming from those around you, or directly from inside your own head?

We have been conditioned as women for so long, to feel bad if we even dare to think about doing something for ourselves, or something that we love, or that fills us with sheer delight. We have been indoctrinated for centuries that our duties are to hearth and home and to all those who grace it with their presence; to cater to everybody else before yourself, and that you should damn well enjoy being of service.

We’re told it should fill you with pride that you have absolutely negated yourself all these years, making others more important than your wee self. Don’t even begin to entertain any thoughts that you may have anything of worth to contribute. We have been taught and conditioned that every one else's needs come before our own.

Are you one of the women who has watched, with disbelief and sadness, the soul-destroying life your mother has led catering to the whole wide world {and doing a fabulous job of it} but never or rarely taking the time to tend to her own valuable and worthy needs? Always being there for everybody else and never even contemplating the concept that SHE may be of enough worth to fill her own cup with her life force of choice?

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Have you also watched this play out in your own life, or those of the women around you?

Selfish: the time has come to embrace this much maligned word. Not only embrace it, but live it. Live it with your whole heart and soul. Find your bliss and do it with as much gusto as you possibly can. Find your life source and plug in as often as you possibly can. Light yourself up with something you love to do, EVERY DAY. Sneak it in where ever and whenever you can; or make an announcement that it is simply happening anyway. Make a choice to put yourself first.

It's like the safety announcement on a plane. They say to put your own oxygen mask on first, before you can help anyone else. It's the same with your life. You can't help others if you are running low on {life force} oxygen.

Everyone has responsibilities. Some imposed by society and its expectations, some imposed by others and many more self-imposed from our conditioning. Of course when there are the responsibilities to little people you brought into this world you simply cannot disregard them.

You can though, ask for help from others, and give yourself some SELF-ISH time. You can relinquish the need to be everything to everybody all the time and you can make the choice to honour yourself by filling YOUR cup. You can and should make time for your SELF-ISH pursuits because it fills you up.

So, let's redefine the word to mean ABOUT THE SELF. It doesn't sound so bad this way does it?

Try this as your new Mantra: I'm going to be ABOUT THE SELF more from now on.

Tell the people in your life: Hey everybody! {insert names of all the people and places who lay claim to you). Look over here. Look at me becoming a happy, fulfilled and joyful person because I am doing what truly lights me up and fills every fibre of my being. Check me out honouring MYSELF and doing what I really love to do because it makes me feel so good. Check me out filling my vessel with MY life source so that when I come back over there I will be so full-to-overflowing with the joy vibration I will be able to spill it over to any and everyone who comes near me. I will be so much happier I can tend to the things I need to do to keep humans alive, work and home ticking along and contribute to my relationships from a place of abundance and joy instead of a soul-sucking place of lack and resentment.  

I now realise that I need to be SELF-ISH as much as I need oxygen to breathe. I need to fill myself up first. It is my duty to myself to honour my needs. I now know that by raising my vibration in this ongoing and sustainable way, the flow in {or out} contributes to all those around me and flows into the collective vibration of humanity.

By raising myself up I help raise humanity.

In fact, by being SELF-ISH, I am actually doing humanity a huge favour.

Take it or leave it world. SELF-ISHNESS is now my new default setting. This is the new me.

I think you’ll like her. I know I do!

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CONTACTS + CREDITS:

This article was contributed by Vicki O’Connor.

Vicki is the founder of Seven Ladies Empowerment and is on a mission to help women realise their worth; to honour and love themselves; feel seen and heard; feel supported by the sisterhood and bring about the change this world needs - one woman at a time through events and workshops.

Click here for contact details and to find out more about Vicki’s work.

Vicki O'Connor: On a Mission to Empower Women

Vicki O'Connor: On a Mission to Empower Women

Welcome to Issue 02

Welcome to Issue 02